Edward Cullen Cat. We are so fucked.
“How old are you?”
“Well you act like a fucking idiot man!”
Trawling the net, I came across this article about a 17-year-old kid in Jilin, China who whilst playing CounterStrike at a net cafe, decided to cheat and use a “Wallhack” so see through walls. Subsequently getting a carving knife shoved in his head by outraged gamers. Apparently the knife only stopped from coming out the other side because it reached the inside wall of his skull. Nice.
He was fully conscious when the ambulance arrived and didn’t get any kind of impairing to his motor skills. Lucky or what? The knife managed to dodge important parts and blood vessels in his brain. Sounds like his brain didn’t contain very many ‘important parts’. But then again that’s what you get for playing CounterStrike.
More disappointingly, they didn’t catch the assault troop (haha, good one) as they “ran away”. What I want to know is how did a group of fat gamers who live off takeaway and all-nighters simply “run away”? Ahhh, nothing like some real action that gets your heart rate up. Although I’ve heard CoD does the same trick.
Like Beyonce says, “if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it”. Pretty difficult when your betrothed to the Eiffel Tower. Watching ‘I married the Eiffel Tower’ on Nat Geo, or Documentary channel, one of the two I was intrigued. I had seen people fall in love with cars and things but legally marrying the Eiffel Tower and having your last name changed to La Tour Eiffel is something else. How the hell is gay marriage illegal in places around the world but marrying a public structure, who was apparently a female, Ok? Not that I have anything against it however, if your happy, then good for you. I guess it just wouldn’t be my cup of tea, getting off by publicly sexing a metal beam in front of school kids. Nice. Not only had she had sexual interaction with it but she also had an affair with the Berlin wall and a bridge somewhere in europe, who this time were both male. And I think there was a picket fence somewhere in the list too that she keeps in her lounge. This ‘phenomenon’ or more commonly referred to as ‘disorder’ is apparently called objectum-sexuality and according to our best friend wikipedia it is defined as:
“Objectum sexuality commonly referred to as OS, is a pronounced emotional desire towards particular inanimate objects. Those individuals with this expressed preference may feel strong feelings of arousal, attraction, love, and commitment to certain items or structures of their fixation.”
It makes me wonder how many odd things people have fallen in love with? Imagine a slice of toast or a stapler. Giggles.
So this morning, over two cups of tea and very delicious apple turnover I flicked through the Farmers Weekly. Ah what you get for living rural eh? Never the less the letters to the editor section always appeals to me. It must be something to do with picturing farmers in stubbys and wellies trying to have civilized debates. (No doubt Gim Tow will throw his little red book at me for this one so no offense is intended) I happened to come across a real gem entitled “Jim got it wrong”.
“Jim Whittle (May 17) is mistaken to refer to the Moriori as a myth. They were here long before the Moari and there is record of their existence in the National Archives. The few remaining on the Chatham Islands were brutally murdered by Maori from Taranaki. To say we once had Celts living here is not as impossible as one would think.
The earth’s land mass was all in once pace until something cataclysmic happened what caused the earth’s crust to shatter. Fact cam be stranger than fiction and the Celts could have easily walked here over a few thousand years ago.”
Joyce Chapman. Wellsford
First reaction. Lol. It just so happens that the earths land mass was never in one place and the era they are referring to is the Triassic period in which Pangaea separates at about 0-1000mm a year. 251 MILLION YEARS AGO. Awesome. Yes. Caused by Cataclysmic events? No. Sorry love but last time I checked, humans weren’t running round riding dinosaurs. The Celts only existed 1200BC when the Triassic, Jurassic and blah blah blah was long gone. Unless they were distant ancestors to Jesus then they wouldn’t have been walking to New Zealand.
But with these fails, fiction definately provides more lulz than fact. I think we can safely say that Joyce got it wrong.